


Them and us

by legolastariel



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Heart-to-Heart, Love Confessions, M/M, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 20:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12660633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolastariel/pseuds/legolastariel
Summary: After he killed Morales and the Savior and Aaron left with Gracie, Rick feels the need for a heart-to-heart with Daryl. He's deeply concerned about his friend's behavior and learns about Daryl's reasons and the way the archer feels about things.





	Them and us

**Author's Note:**

> This work is unbeta'ed, so sorry for the mistakes.  
> This episode is still on my mind and Daryl's change in character is disturbing, as is the rumor of our boys being in each other's hair in the episodes to come.  
> I just needed to write this to ease my mind and reassure myself that the Daryl we all fell in love with will be back after the war. And I needed some Rickyl. Anybody else?

**Them and us**  


 

Aaron pressed the tiny body of little Gracie to his chest and rocked her gently, while new tears flooded his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. He didn’t even bother wiping them away.   
Rick placed a hand on the man’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, not saying a single word. He knew there were no words that would make it better. They had all been there too often, had all heard and said empty phrases due to a lack for better words. He spared Aaron the usual _“I’m sorry_ ”, even though he was. Or even worse the _“He’s in a better world now”_ phrase that might have been a fact, but little helpful to the one who was left behind by himself in _this_ world. And surely the last thing Aaron needed to hear right now was Rick’s assurances that they would win, that Eric would be avenged in the end, that they were gonna make the Saviors pay, no matter what.   
The war right now wasn’t the answer, the solution to Aaron’s heartache – it was the source of it, the reason he had lost the love of his life. And he, Rick, had started it.   
Another life lost, another soul on his conscience. 

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Daryl standing motionless next to him, the crossbow slung over his shoulder and his face a stony façade.   
As soon as the car with Aaron and baby Gracie had disappeared from their view, Rick got hold of Daryl’s arm and pulled him along until they stood hidden behind a tree. _The_ tree. The one that Savior had been hiding behind when he was stupid enough to shoot at them and started another confrontation that ended with his death. 

Daryl cast a scowl at the tree as though it was all its fault and grumbled:

         “Damn tree’s larger than it looked from over there. Coulda been more than one a’ ‘em pricks …”

Rick’s lips on his ended his rant and the angry scowl melted into a softer, gentle expression. One Rick hadn’t seen on his partner’s face in way too long.

The leader pulled the older man close with one arm tightly slung around his waist and slipped the fingers of the other hand into Daryl’s long hair. There was a sense of desperation in the way he kissed him and Daryl knew exactly what was going through Rick’s mind – and through his heart.  
When they finally broke apart, Rick leaned his forehead against Daryl’s and pulled in a couple of deep breaths, swallowing against a raspy sensation in the back of his throat. 

         “You’re alright?” he whispered to the archer and with a surprised air Daryl pulled back.

         “Should be me askin’ _you_ that.”

Slowly Rick shook his head, which caused a single lock to fall into his forehead, but he didn’t bother pushing it away.

         “I’m worried about you”, the leader said softly, while he took a step back. 

         “’m here, Rick. Just ‘cause Eric …”

         “No, you don’t understand”, Rick cut in. “This isn’t about Eric’s death. It’s about Morales’. And that of that Savior over there”, he pointed to the nameless man, who still lay in the same spot he had dropped after Daryl shot him.

The soft expression on the archer’s face turned into the former stony façade again.

         “What about ‘em? They’s just two a’ ‘em pricks ‘n’ they got what they deserved.”

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger and pulled in another deep breath. 

         “Daryl, I know what they did to you. I get why you wanna make them pay, but this is not about revenge, or you, or me. It’s …”

         “Save yer breath, Rick. We didn’t start this shit, but we sure as hell gonna end it. Rules are simple – ‘s either them or us ‘n’ I’d rather it ain’t us. I ain’t gonna take no prisoners. They made their choice – they took Negan’s side ‘n’ they gonna die with him.”

A shudder ran down Rick’s spine when he looked into Daryl’s eyes and all of a sudden the stinging sensation in his eyes returned. 

         “I miss you”, he whispered, swallowing against his tears, while he watched a frown appear on Daryl’s face.

         “What’s ta miss? ‘m right here.”

         “No, this is not you. I see someone who looks like the man I fell in love with, but I don’t recognize him anymore. And that scares me. _You_ scare me.”

The look in Daryl’s eyes changed and Rick thought he felt a wave of anger and hurt and frustration.

         “Whadda ya want? Ya said the world was ours ‘n’ that we was gonna end those assholes. ‘s what I did, what I gonna keep doin’. Soon as they took _his_ side they all turned into him. They’re all Negan ‘n’ that’s why they all need ta die.”  
He pointed at the lifeless body lying a few feet away from them.  
         “Think he woulda spared yer life next time he ran into ya? Don’t know why yer beatin’ yerself up – ya kept yer word. But _I_ never promised that dude nothin’. Think he woulda remembered that ya spared him and let him go? First chance he got he woulda shot ya, dollars to donuts. Same as Morales.”

A frustrated air flashed over Rick’s face.

         “You don’t know that! He was one of us back then and he was about to …”

         “He pointed a gun in yer face! Don’t give a damn who the hell he was. ‘twasn’t the guy ya used ta know no more. He changed, we all changed ‘n’ the dude he’s today threatened yer life. They all do. That’s all that matters ta me. I made the mistake a’ trustin’ one a’ ‘em once ‘n’ it cost Denise’s life. And Glenn’s. Ain’t gonna give any a’ ‘em a chance ta hurt ya just ‘cause I gave ‘em the benefit of a doubt, ‘cause I hesitated that second too long.”

Rick looked his partner in the eyes for a long breathless moment, then he lowered his head and stared at the tip of his worn boots.

         “I think Morales was right”, he croaked. “He said I was a monster and … and I … each time I look into the mirror I see it, too. Remember I used to say we don’t kill the living?”

         “God damnit, Rick, that was before the livin’ tried to kill us ‘n’ became a bigger threat than the fuckin’ walkers.”

The leader lifted his head and looked Daryl straight in the eyes.

         “I killed Gracie’s father. All he did was protect his child and I … I killed him.”

         “Tough shit.” The archer took a step forward and placed his hands on Rick’s shoulders, squeezing hard.  
“Ya think _he_ woulda hesitated, woulda given it a single thought if roles had been reversed? If there’s a li’l girl who has ta grow up without her daddy, than I don’t want it to be Judy. ‘m sorry for Gracie, I really am, but she’s gonna grow up with better people now.”

“Are we? Better people, I mean. We’re killing just like they do.”

“Yeah, but it ain’t the killin’ that makes ya a bad person. ‘s the reason ya killin’ for. They do it for power, ta take our shit, ta hurt ‘cause they can ‘n’ enjoy it in a sick, perverted way. We’re killin’ ta live in peace, ta protect the people we love.”

With a hopeful expression in his sky-blue eyes, Rick lifted his hands and cupped his partner’s face.

         “Swear that’s the reason you’re doing it for. To protect the people we love. Not for revenge.”

He saw a reaction in Daryl’s eyes and brought his face closer to the archer’s, till the tips of their noses almost touched.

         “Please, Daryl, it needs to be for that reason and no other. I can stand to watch you turn cold, to ignore my decisions and not back me up anymore when I give one of them the benefit of a doubt – but only for the length of the war. After that I need to get the man back that I love. The one who’s gentle and caring underneath the tough exterior, the one who helps others despite the chance of being betrayed, the one who asks first and shoots later and not the other way round. I couldn’t bear to see you turn into … into … _me._ ” 

Rick heard Daryl gasp and saw the narrow shadow blue eyes widen. The next second the leader was pulled into a tight hug.

         “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with ya. As long as yer still questionin’ what yer doin’, strivin’ ta do the right thing, Officer Friendly’s still in there.”

A smile tugged on the corners of Rick’s mouth. 

         “Morales called me Officer Friendly, too. Some name your brother came up with back then.”

When he heard a suppressed sigh next to his ear, Rick placed a loving kiss to the side of Daryl’s head.

         “You still think of Merle often?”

         “Uh-huh. Almost every day. Yer still thinkin’ ‘bout Shane?”

         “Yeah. A lot. Miss him, too. Despite … everything.” 

Daryl pulled back a little and looked his lover in the eyes. 

         “See. Yer no monster. If ya was, ya woulda forgotten, wouldn’t give a damn, but yer still blamin’ yerself. It still hurts.”  
He pecked Rick’s lips.  
         “The moment it stops hurtin’ ‘s the moment ya need ta start worryin’.”

For a moment they stood silently in each other’s arms, then Daryl swallowed thickly and said:  
          
         “Bear with me, Rick. I know what I’m doin’ seems ruthless, but ‘s just what I do, just ma thoughts, just all that anger ‘n’ hurt that’s drivin’ me. Deep inside ‘m still the same.”

His voice quivered for a moment and he pressed his lips tightly together before he added in a choked voice:

         “Don’t wanna be in Aaron’s shoes one day, havin’ ta say good-bye ‘n’ watchin’ a walker version of ya disappear into the distance. I’s able ta stand their torture ‘n’ ma father’s belt, but that …”

Rick’s lips on his cut him short and for a moment they kissed ardently, needing the contact, the reassurance of the other one’s love.

         “I love you”, the leader said the moment their lips parted. “Don’t know if I told you that today, but I … I need you to know.”

         “I do. And I need ya ta understand that I do what I do for you first of all. So ‘s we both see the end a’ this blasted war one a’ ‘em days.”   
He breathed in deep before he added softly:  
         “I need ya. Yer the only one who can bring me back from that dark place with all the rage ‘n’ hate ‘n’ …”

He swallowed back the tears that threatened to flood his eyes.

         “I wanna be able ta be Daryl again. When this is over.”

Rick pushed a strand of his friend’s long bangs out of the face he loved and tucked it behind the older man’s ear.  
         “I need you, too, Daryl. I kind of miss Officer Friendly. Maybe when all this is over you can help me find him.”

A smile appeared on both faces and for a moment they indulged in this rare peaceful moment. Then Daryl reached for Rick’s hand and gave it a gentle tug. 

         “C’mon. We still got a war ta win ‘n’ some Savior asses ta kick.” 

Hand in hand they came out from behind the tree and started walking back to their troops to regroup and get ready for the next attack. They still had to find the M2s. This was far from being over.

         “What about Eugene?” Rick said cautiously after a couple of steps. “He’s one of them, too, now. Apparently. If we run into him, would you …”

         “Dunno. Maybe. Depends.”

         “On what?”

         “Whether or not he’s gonna point a gun at ya”, Daryl replied more fiercely than he had intended, but in the next second the ghost of a smile flashed over his face.  
         “But no matter what, if he says the word _sorghum,_ he’s dead meat, man.” 

Despite himself Rick broke out laughing, his heart a lot lighter than it was before.   
This was war, people were dying, they lost more friends and the threat was still there, but as long as he and Daryl were alive together, they would find a way – through the war, out of the dark places they were stuck in, back to each other. 

         “By the way”, Daryl picked up after a few more steps. “What ya said after ya kissed me back there … Just want ya ta know that I feel the same.”

Rick suppressed a smile and cast his partner a questioning side glance.   
Despite the long way they had come, together, some things apparently never changed. And one way or the other Daryl would always be a Dixon.

         “What did I say?” Rick asked innocently. 

         “Ah, ya know … That ya …” He saw the sparkle in the cerulean orbs and his eyes narrowed.  
         “Ya gonna make me say it, huh?” 

The next second Rick was pulled back into Daryl’s arms by the hand the archer still held in his. 

         “Luv ya, too”, he grumbled. “And ya owe me for makin’ me say that sappy stuff, just so ya know.”  

Rick couldn’t help chuckling.

         “Anything I can do to make it up to you?” he whispered in the archer’s ear.

Not minding who saw them, Daryl’s hand landed on Rick’s butt while he murmured back.

         “ ’m sure I can think a’ somethin’, Grimes.”

         “Uh-huh, I had a hunch you would say that.” 

         “Nah, ya was _hopin’_ I’d say that”, Daryl sassed. “But first we got a war ta win.”

Rick laughed lightly and placed a kiss on his partner’s neck.

         “Then let’s go and end this quick.”

When they met with the rest of their group to plan their next move, Rick had to suppress a smile time and again despite standing on a battlefield and having new confrontations ahead.  
His main concern hadn’t been losing the man he loved to the war, but to lose the man he loved to the darkness until Daryl’s light would cease to shine and an empty, black shell of this wonderful man was all that would be left behind.   
But if Daryl Dixon said a sappy thing and meant it, too, there was no reason to be worried. At least not for Rick.   
The Saviors needed to be worried, extremely worried, because Daryl was on a mission. He was going to fight with every fibre of his being for the ones he loved, Rick first of all. 

The war was already won. 


End file.
